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Why Do Some Men Put Their Mother Before Their Partner?

As to me we all closer to our family when we grow up when we get more responsibilities & we get understand of our families situations we sometimes lose our moment with whom we care most.But we always have care more about our family.But we know we alway care about the one who we love most.

Closer to Home

His inability to truly be there for this partner will come down to the fact that he is too focused on his mother. Her needs, not his partners, will be his main priority and naturally, this is going to cause his partner to feel ignored and unvalued.

She will be in a monogamous relationship and yet, it will be as if there are three people in their relationship. Therefore, although the other person will be his mother, she can have a very similar experience to what she would have if she had to share her partner with another woman.

Very Early On

At the beginning of the relationship, she might not have realised how focused he was on his mothers needs. Or, she might have seen his focus on his mothers needs as a positive sign.

She could have believed that this showed how much he loved his mother and how caring he was. But, as time passed, it would have soon become clear that he was far too focused on his mother.

A Mixed Experience

In addition to feeling ignored and unvalued, she can often feel deeply frustrated and angry about what is going on. However, there could be times when she will feel guilty and even ashamed, with her believing that she is being selfish.

In reality, there will be no need for her to feel guilty and ashamed as her partner shouldn’t be so focused on his mother. Ultimately, she deserves to be with a man who will be able to be there for her.

Consequential Thinking

If she has invested a lot of time in him, this could be the last thing that she wants to do. Deep down, she could believe that, with enough effort and time, she will be able to change him.

But, if there is no sign that he is willing to change, she will probably be wasting her precious energy and time. If it’s clear that he won’t change, one thing she could do to get herself moving is to think about what her life will be like if she is in the same position in a year’s time.

A Role Reversal

When it comes to the man, it could be said that he will be behaving more like his mothers fathers than her son. The truth is that he is on this planet to live his own life and this is something that his mother should encourage.

So, the fact that he is unable to do this and his mother is happy for him to focus on her is likely to show that something didn’t go as it should have gone during his early years. Most likely, this was a stage of his life when he was, quite simply, used by his mother to fulfil her unmet adult and childhood needs.

Forced To Fulfil a Role

His needs would have generally been ignored and he would have been forced to take care of his mothers needs. Out of his need to survive and his inability to do anything about what was going on, he wouldn’t have had a choice.

This would have caused him to lose touch with his true self and to develop a false self, with his false self being a consequence of what would allow him to please his mother. Another part of this is that his father probably wasn’t around, and even if he was, it is unlikely that he was emotionally available.

A Key Part

If he was available, he would have played a part in separating him from his mother when he was about three years old. This would have been part of the individuation process; something would have allowed him to gradually live his own life.

But, as he was used by his mother to fulfill her emotional needs as opposed to taking care of his emotional needs, he wouldn’t have been able to develop a sense of self, which would have prepared him to start this process and neither would he have received what he needed to start this process. He will then look like a man but he will be developmentally stunted, as he didn’t receive what he needed in order to grow and develop in the right way.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

9 replies on “Why Do Some Men Put Their Mother Before Their Partner?”

Hi, you wrote it beautifully. In my opinion, this is a much-discussed topic. One thing should be always remembered, if we are talking about a wife…who feels that why her husband is so caring towards his mother…she should keep herself in her mother inlaws place and then think the same. I am sure she can see her own future and then realize where she is wrong. Every man on this planet is a son first and then a husband. If he has duties towards his wife, how can he run away from the duties of a son? Do wives leave their mothers after marriage? I feel that all this is just said about husbands while wives are the ones who are always with their mothers and husbands feel sidelined in many situations. Just my two cents!!

Liked by 1 person

Actually it depends on that man how he can handle all. I think a man has to give importance of both as both have different demands. So basically a man has to take right decisions.πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘β£οΈ

Liked by 1 person

Yes of course not only men we women also have to face the same situation .In my opinion we need to leave all and just let them go and have to try remain happy and to keep patience. God bless you πŸ™‚β˜ΊοΈ

Liked by 2 people

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